I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
