let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
