he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the raccoons are back...
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