dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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