My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
