We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
