Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The Olympian is in my bed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
