So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
