There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
