He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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