I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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