True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
