I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
