If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
