she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize