its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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