based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Randomize