I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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