Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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