WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
