im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
