Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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