I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
