Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
