Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
love makes seman taste better
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
