I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Too much gin, very little bucket
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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