I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize