Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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