would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize