Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
