you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
