i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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