I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is Oprah even human
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
