im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
