I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Randomize
