I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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