Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
