There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
