he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
