It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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