I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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