mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
