Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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