I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
