and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
