I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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