Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he puts the penis in happiness.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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