so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
