I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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