I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
