I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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