I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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