Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
