u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
