in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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