I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Randomize