Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
