Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't turn off my feet"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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