i just google imaged poop.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
