She is in my trunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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