well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
