i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
