The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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