Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
