There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
