she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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