Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
