I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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