I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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