I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize