I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I want her autograph on my taint
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
