It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
