His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize