Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
