Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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