That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
