I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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