He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
