Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
someone owes me an orgasm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
