I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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