During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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