A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
