I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
