You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
