Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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