PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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