guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
