I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
