Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm bleeding and have questions
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize