He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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