Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
