I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
