Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
