I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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