OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
