is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
