so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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