So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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