sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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