No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
