Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
