I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
