Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
