I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
