i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
