Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
