apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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