I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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