I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
