So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
