I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
